Tuesday, May 12, 2009

....we know he is okay. That's enough

I used to think that Jayden is a slow learner. I got so frustrated and sometimes sad when he's not able to talk and react like his peers. In fact my gynea told me when he was born to enroll him to Glen Domann programme so that he can catch up with his peers, cos when I was 6 months preggie with him I was hospitalized due to fever viral. He was expected to be slow.

Of course I didn't enroll him, cos I was too L-A-Z-Y! Then I got a comment. "You better bring your son to see a specialist. I think he is living in his own world". In another word, she is saying that my son is autised. Why did she say that? He was bullied and he didn't fight back but he went and rolled on the floor instead. That made me very sad and then I made up my mind, I will give him sometime to progress. If still no progress within 6 months I'm sending him for help.

Then his nanny rejected him. She told me he doesn't know how to speak. Doesn't know how to go toilet. Doesn't this. Doesn't that. She even called my son "Mowe Kwai Yung" (Useless) in front of me. Not once, but many times. I took it and I will remember that forever. I told my myself "it's okay how she wanna label my son. She will know one sweet day".

Then I enrolled him to Shichida.( Or is it before his nanny gave up on him, or after that? i totally forgot). This semester, is his 4th semester with Shichida. Unlike other mothers, I do not do home practise with him. L-A-Z-Y ma. Then we started seeing progress, and he became more outspoken and more confident. He loves the sensei, he loves the activities and he changed so much. But one thing never changed, he is always the quietest one in class. Being labelled as "HYPERACTIVE" where ever he goes, he is totally another boy in the class. He sit down quietly, while I sit behind him. Other parents would sit near the child and guide them. Most of the time I'll sit behind and smile at him and say "Jayden, you do yourself okay?" He'd pull my hand and say "mami...." and turn around and do whatever the teacher asked him to do. And surprisingly, most of the time he gets it correctly and the other mother would ask me "Do you do home practise with him?" And i said "No".

One day, while they're doing magic flash cards, (its showing the kids a set of cards for few times and then adding new cards every week to test thier memory. They need to tell what is the card that the sensei is going to show next) 2 other kids shouted the first 2 cards answers. Jayden just sat there and was holding onto his train. Sensei asked "What's the next card?" No one answered. Suddenly Jayden started to say out each and every card in the set, correctly. There was like about 25 cards and he got all of it correct. The other mothers all looked at me and Jayden. After the class they asked me again "Do you do home practise with Jayden at home". My reply was the same "No". I don't think they believed me.

Jayden continued to progress. He became more loving, kisses, hugs, especially after the arrival of Justin. He even come and tell me out of a sudden "mami wo ai nie (I love You)" Or sing "Dadi Dadi Where are you? Dadi Dadi I miss you! I love you!".

Then his dadi came and told me that he wanted to stop jayden from Shichida cos I don't do home practise with him and its a waste of money if I don't do extra. From then, I started to do home practise. Flash Cards, Games, Reading, Writting and so much more. I try my best to fit time to do it but sometimes I gotto rush my work (like tomorrow onwards!!!!) I won't have the time to do so.

This video was taken during our home practise and it only consists of 8 cards. He cooperated for this video and when we tried to do with 20 cards, he refused to let us record it.

These are the flash cards that he is looking at or you can say guessed. He need to tell me what is the card that I am going to show him after 3 rounds of showing him in order.

He continued to progress. He then know how to go to pee himself. He is even diaperless at night now. He told Big C " I want don't want Pampers jor" That night onwards he went to bed and didn't wet the bed up till today (YET) and he even gave up his pacifier and told Justin "TiTi! Don't Suck Chit Chit!" I don't know about you guys, but for for him change so drastically in a short moment, I am still in shock. Hard to believe but its happening.

Although he progressed so well, he is still getting negative remarks. *sigh* I just felt like asking them "What do you expect him to do then only you will stop commenting about him? He is only 3 years old, you know? " 

Yesterday, he was in a playful mood and didn't cooperate while I was flashing the cards. he kept saying other things, asking me to spell GIANT, Spell this spell that and even shouted Ahhhh ahhhhh ahhhh when I asked him to pay attention.  I shouted at him, "Stop behaving like this! You do things like this (shouting ahhh ahhh ahhh), people will say you are autised! You are not normal! You want or not?" I paused and continued " Now do you want me to flash cards or not?"

And he looked at me and he was about to cry. And then he said " I want flash cards mami" and then I continued with the flash cards session. Last night before he sleep, he told me "mami , pocoyo said AHH AHHH AHHH like this". I was shocked. He is right. Pocoyo did say that. No wonder it sounded so familiar and my maid confirmed it (cos she watched pocoyo with Jayden and Justin) . He was trying to explain to me that he only followed Pocoyo.

Why am I writting all these? I don't know. I just wanna say it out and get it out from me cos it has been bugging me for many days. And I think I should write it out for Jayden's sake and for the sake of the people that made remarks about him without knowing the real him. As for myself,   I am sure that my son is normal. He is just very playful and bad tempered sometimes, he is afterall in his terrifying 3 phase. Who knows him better than his own mother? It's true I cannot stop people from commenting about my son. It hurts (alot alot alot alot) but I cannot control it. Which mother can accept that kind of remark, whether the child is ok or not ok? I dunno. Seriously. I think I have been sad for too many days now. I don't wanna think about it anymore or even have the slightest doubt on Jayden. 

When I first heard about the remark, I asked Big C "How come you have no reaction towards ppl's remark about Jayden?" And he told me one thing that reminded me and brought me back on track, "No matter what they say, we know he is okay. That's enough".  

Sometimes the thing that he says just sound so right.

P/S Big C: Thanks b, for standing by me and having faith towards our son.


  1. :) DOn't worry, i have faith in Jayden! Jayden, don't let others look down on you anymore ok? be strong and show it to everyone that you're a happy and smart boy!!

  2. I've been reading your blog since Jayden was a baby, and I can't see anything wrong with him. I know about your nanny's case, and to me, she's a b*t*h, and does not qualify as a nanny. Do continue with Shichida!!!

  3. Bravo Jayden!!! He is very good. Don't listen to those people who have nothing better to do.

  4. aisae woman..

    u know i his big fan..and u know i always think he so smart....

    he da man! dun sad k? other ppl just say these things, becoz they normally have no idea what they're talking about.

    they are the not-so-smart ones!

  5. hey sasha...i also do feel sad after reading abt yr feelings!! why can't those ppl be just a bit more sensitive & have some heart for others...sigh!! u hv been brave & yr effort has started to bear fruits & more to come i'm sure...be patience!!

  6. so now can sleep in peace :)...

  7. ok... pls dont char me on msn again hor. wanna cry read ur post. just now i just cried see krys cried wen try to poo.

    jayden is a smart boy, trust him. and wat ur hubs said is so true, as long as u guys know he is OK, ask the others to fly kites.

    and i love pocoyo... ahhhhh ahhhhhhh!

  8. wow that's really good....ermm...i am also a lazy mama....never do flash cards and inconsistently read to the kids..although i try to make it a point to do it every day :P good for jayden!

  9. Wow, his pronouciation is very good. I think he is as normal as can be. Don't bother about other people's comments. I had people telling me I should send Amber to special school or even migrate to Australia where they cater better for hyper kids like her. It's just a phase she went through and now I think my daugther is perfectly normal. In fact hyper kids are usually very smart kids. Some people expect other kids to be well behaved and as 'normal' as theirs, they are insensitive to pass judgement with the few instances they spend with yr kid. Jayden is a lovely boy and very loving too.I'd say thumbs up and job well done to you. Your sacrificed your career for your boys and it's a right move

  10. Big C is right ALL of US know that Jayden is a SMart Kid.. Dun bother wat those ppl say lah .. as long as u know He is okay ....

  11. we been chatting tru abt our son behavior and so on ..... i still believe that our sons is just perfect and normal .... just ignore what people have to say ... i know is hurt, i dun like those bad comments too ... it's make us stress, wory like mad and down !!

    heh, lady, u doing good job, u choose the best for jayden .... yah, continue with Shichida .... i also wanna try out this, but is just too too far for me .... i put on hold 1st. Will see how.

    Jayden : U r a smart boy ... we all know that . :P

  12. first time dropping in here. i think you're a great mother!

  13. Anonymous9:39 AM

    Hi Sasha,

    Good morning !

    I'm your silent reader but the things u said today make me want say something...my jayden boy who is about few months older than your jayden boy also slow in speech.Most of the time he bla bla by himself.He like to sing & like to act (he watch too much TV...as he is notty & my MIL use Tv to bb sit him as they cannot control him and he refusing his new kakak ). they strongly object me sending him to kinder as mentioned he is too young for school & don't worry he will talk eventually...nothing wrong with him & comment i worry too much.Don't need to waste money.

    I start to become very worry when he is still not communicate/talking properly after 3.To certain extent we are worried that he may be autistic.i'm a working mother & like u...lazy & actually also no time to do flash card & spending enough time with him as his 3 other sisters also demanding my after work time.Esp the little sister (8 months-justin is about 2 weeks older than her)is always demanding mama time for milky.Thinking of stopping milk production soon.

    Just enrol him about 3 weeks ago to a playschool for him to minimise his TV time & to let him interact with his peers. Can see slight improvement in him in terms of behaviour but not in speech.He like to repeat what we say.Just have to see in another month...how his progress before considering the next course of action...may be to look for a professional to evaluate him & check..actually what is wrong with him.....wau...long story...

    Happy for u that u have clear your doubts & have faith in him.Bravo Jayden & be a good boy ok?

    Take care.

  14. Mamimi, pls don't listen to other ppl! Jayden is a good and smart boy :)

  15. You should not listen to what others have to say. Instead listen to your heart (and what Big C says too *wink*). Some people just blab their nmouths away without thinking twice of the consequences. Jayden sounds like an intelligent boy. Believe it!

  16. Yeap, i feel what u feel. i dont like it when ppl label my son as a shy boy when they first meet him. i'll explain that he just needs some time to warm up, u know even my family will complain that he's annoying which in fact it's true. but i just ignore all the comments lah, because it's just a passing phase that i belive they will outgrow of it.

    For Jayden's case, i dont see any problem with him :) and he's so smart!

  17. i never thot there was something wrong with Jayden. He was only 2 when i got to know him thru ur blog. hey, he was only 2 and as what ur hubby said, ignore the nasty comments. he was 2 and alone wo any siblings yet, of course play by himself la. then? play with an imagination fren ah? correct or not?
    anyway, i think he is smart and children have gd memories and Jayden is good and even the pronounciation is perfect. shicida seems good for him! it brings Jayden out! if he is autistic, u think it wld be so easy and fast meh right? good job Sasha!

  18. etceteramommy11:17 AM

    You know they say parenting a gifted child is not easy. Many thinks he's not 'normal' because he does not conform to the norm. Well, intelligently gifted kids always have problem connecting with their peers anyway.

    You both are great parents. You never gave up and your belief is proving you right.

    Slowly but surely, his potentials will shine through (which I think it already does).

    Now go get ready a big bucket to collect all the 'dropping glasses' (get what I mean) from those who failed to see his potentials. :D

  19. Sasha, just don't bother or listen to what other ppl commented on Jayden as long as you think he's fine. From the blog post, I don't see any problems with Jayden at all. In fact he's quite good with the flash cards. I guess Shicida is really good eh.

  20. Aiyo....why you worry what people say leh??? Children develop at different rates la....some will be faster at ABC, some faster at jumping and running, some faster at drawing and writing, some faster at thinking, some faster at reading....all different. If he cannot do all of that by 8 years old, then only start worrying.

    DON'T let the Malaysian parental pressure get to you. Many Malaysians are damn kiasu and have too much time on their hands to worry about other people's children.

  21. *sniff*

    u nearly put me to tears with this entry.

    u're a great mom, sasha, and he's a great, normal kid. dont u doubt that! people are mean. they say nasty things. my mom said people used to say that my spine is "cacat" because i was an active kid. gila or not. don't listen to people, sasha, they sometimes get a sadistic sort of satisfaction frm putting other people down!!

    it's so awesome that he's off his paci and diaperless at night! that shamel refuses to even poo with his diaper off, on the kiddie potty or the adult potty. he claims he wants to wear pampers forever. can??? and this coming frm a kid who can spell and read a bit already. see... intelligence can come in different forms!

  22. eh..i wonder...why not this Big C do the 'homework' instead? He aso parent kua. He de father right?

    He ALSO can do mar. Not only mudder mah...


  23. Like I've always told you - just ignore those people who have got nothing good to say about others. I know you sakit hati but the more you sakit hati and layan them, the more they like it. So as long as you know that J is a bright + intelligent kid (and yes, different kids master things at different rate), lantak pi those moronslah.... ;) Take care!

  24. Yes...you know he is alright....that is enough.

    My heart goes out to you having to deal with all these...but you have hung in there and ran the race well. In fact all the times I read your blog, I never thought he was anything but a naughty brat (and that is like a complement ok!). :) Wah...viral fever can do this to the kid huh....pregnant really have to take so much more good care!

    He will be alright, becuase he has parents who care and encourage him.

    Sichida method so good ah? Where do you send him by the way?

  25. Wei...trust your own instinct and believe in GOD. What your hubby say is absolutely right. You know, Jonathan, my eldest son, is like your Jayden ~ so playful I would put it, and can't even speak or say a word when he is 3.5. Imagine, his daycare teacher keep bully him. And, I remember he only start to speak properly(ppl can understand) when he is almost 5!!! Imagine, how miserable and sad am I...but, today, he make me so proud ~ as he is top scorer in his kindy when he is 4 and the best reader in ENglish when he is 5......I know till today, everyone still see my son as hyperactive, or etc, etc....but, like your hubby, I know, my son is fine and perfectly normal, it is more than enough liao!! Don't even bother what other people say or comment ~ their mouth is always bad....wei, cheer up, girl!! You're really wonderful mom, you know.

  26. I never tried any program with my children too. Just consistently teach them and they will surprise you.

    Trust me, I seen it in my children.

  27. Anonymous2:27 PM

    wah, who are these ppl who dare to make such comments on your boy? no shame ah...i mean, we don't go around insulting other ppl's kids right, it's not a good thing to do. u shld have 'shoot' them back to leave ur poor jayden alone.

    if u don't mention these things abt jayden, i wldn't also realize these. he looks and sounds normal 2 me. and like u said, wht do u expect out from a 3 yr old?!!

  28. this isn't the first time i said it, but i going to say it again... dun give a damn to watever those ppl got to say... those aunties attitude, just bla without thinking...

    Jayden is doing exceptionally well... so to hell with watever those ppl wanna say lar...

  29. After reading ur post...i m happy cos Jayden is really good and mama is there for him. But i m sad..cos i see philip is worst in his learning progress.

    btw, ym down for a week...still rectifying...

  30. Its really important for us to have faith in ourselves no matter at home or at work. So keep your head up and smile more. Life will be a better place for Jayden, Titi, Big C and yourself dear.

    I am telling myself now now to succumb to those pressure from other mommies abt kids getting x no of A for all their subjects! I hate that! As long as he dont come back with all red marks, I am happy edi.

  31. ask those bitches go fly kites!! who r they to complain, they just want to show off that their kids are talented or what?? **phuiii**

    so long we as a parent know that our kids is O-K-A-Y!!

  32. It must really hurt while typing all these, letting your emotions pouring out ... I am utterly touched by your motherly love.

    we are sure that Jayden is more than okay ... and growing very well ... we are all proud of him.

  33. Trust your mother instinct. Jayden is a smart boy. ´Dont bother other#s negative comments. have faith in Jayden.

    We tend to make comparison with other kids and we of coz want to hear positive things about our children. We are only human.

  34. He's very good! I know those comments are hard to swallow even though you know they are not true. What your hub said is very very true.

  35. well done jayden!!! what is more important is how well jayden have progressed in your heart, and not what others have to say!!

  36. No worries, no worries. U're a great mum and u'll have the last laugh.

    I tell u, I very geram when ppl tells me how thin my girl is (esp my MIL, every time she sees my girl). U think I want her to be so thin meh? *duh* But I just tell them she's like me and pappy when we were small, we were very thin too, so ... people's mouth ... what to do?

  37. Sasha, ignore those big mouth people, let them said what they want to said. You're his mother, of course u know your son well!!

    I think Jayden is smart, even my boys Fearles now almost 4, sometime he still cannot talk clearly, and my sons still wearing diapers during sleep time and still having jut jut!!!!!!!

    Bravo Jayden! Your mama so proud of you!!

  38. He's a smart boy. You don't have to worry about him being slow. Anyway, I believe each person has their own learning styles and does better in certain areas.

    For example, my daughter refuses to learn how to say daddy or mama properly, but when I teach her how to do a naughty face or sound then she mimics me immediately!

  39. Yay!
    Good for u Sasha for believing in your boy.

    And Jayden boy, well done for the outstanding progress.

  40. Actually you know your child best, but don't shun yourself from people's remark also.. People can say what they want, but you are the best judge, and you'll know if you need to take action or not.

    Btw, his pronunciation and all are pretty good, and he actually paid attention..

    I also want to send my daugthers to Shicida liao.. Hehe.. Always thought of sending, but then, for me too far.. Let me MSN you tomorrow to get details. :P

  41. Actually you know your child best, but don't shun yourself from people's remark also.. People can say what they want, but you are the best judge, and you'll know if you need to take action or not.

    Btw, his pronunciation and all are pretty good, and he actually paid attention..

    I also want to send my daugthers to Shicida liao.. Hehe.. Always thought of sending, but then, for me too far.. Let me MSN you tomorrow to get details. :P

  42. I've seen autistic children and Jayden certainly doesn't show signs of it :)

    Don't let what the ignoramuses say get you down!

  43. don't care what ppl say becoz no one know best except the mother!!!

    each kids progress differently and there is no standard timing that says a kid must know how to do this or that within X time..

  44. Stand by him all the time, give him all the confidence and support, he will nurture by himself

  45. Anonymous7:16 AM

    hey Sasha,
    Remember I bet my very last dollar with you many many months back when you sd about that ABA???? I told you Jayden is fine. Write me a check now...=) Oh well, get those bloody bitches to write me a check then, and today onwards, you shall tell them to STFU about judgements towards your kiddos. Soceity perception sucks, it's not up to them to say our kid is smart, good, bad, nottie, or not!!! *F* them heheh.
    sorry couldn't post with my screename, forgotten the password.
    Anyways, pls take care and have a good weekend, hope you aall get well soon, I am still coughing like mad....
    *hugs* to you and kiddos...


  46. Anonymous7:18 AM

    By the way you are a very good mom, don't let people tell you otherwise.
    Anyways, before I go off, we all love you, you silly mama...


  47. Anonymous2:47 PM

    er... I remember I wet my bed until I was 11, use bottle to drink till 8, can’t recognize "A,B,C" after attending kindergarten. But I am now a graduate from a well known University and just obtained a world recognized professional certification of which world wide passing rate is less than 30%. Relatives who use to shake their head while looking at me when I was young, now spend their retirement worried about their “smart” kids who are now really “not that smart”… keep your faith for your children

  48. Dexter5:26 AM

    Aiyah it's OK 1 lah. Me was once like that too.

    I even went to the specialist for my hyperactive syndrome. I can't sit still in my class unless my parent or someone is watching me.

    Then I dun really speak even after some bully sat on top of me i keep quiet as if nothing happen. Till one time when my parent taught me what is bullying den when that same guy who sat on me again, I rush to bite him BUT lucky him he escape fast and i bite the wrong person.

    After biting that person i was punish by the teacher I still didn't speak up even after my parent was called up and in front of my parent i too kept quiet. As if nothing happen. Luckily the person i bite speak up to his mum and say i was bullied by someone and he came to check if i'm alright.

    The cure is!!!

    1. feed him almond nut lot's of it those unsalted, un-sweeten non favored type <---very good to control the kid. really no joke i grew up eating this most of the time. If he have problem eating it initially, u grind it and cook in porridge add some chinese dry scallop to it. that's wat my mum do.

    2. dun feed him sweets what i mean is dun give him candy. cos candy and sweet stuff can cause the hyperactivity. also dun overdose him with those sweets can drinks like coke. 1 can per day can lah but not too much.

    3. If i'm not wrong he can hardly follow instruction as that's my case. and the specialist taught a reward and punish system. together with a timetable and rule and regulation book. Reward him as in let him watch tv enjoy his favorite pastime. punish is not cane him but take away his favorite pastime for a mutually agreed time like say 1 day.

    That's all i can share from my experience. Cos even up till today as an adult i can still hop around and clap my hand for no reason. Plus i have difficulty staying still UNLESS I'm doing something of my interest.

  49. Dexter5:35 AM

    Forgot to mention every time u speak to him like to pocoyo incident u mention, dun shout. U should ask him to look at ur eyes wait till he give u full attention den u speak to him. after speaking to him qns him did he understand what u are toking and ask him to repeat what u just said. try to train him now. else when he grow older to attend primary school, the teacher will complain not paying attention in class and disrespectful, lastly IS UR child autism? <--KNN farking teacher who dun understand me.

    I used to kanna this type of complain. Plus also walking around the class during lesson. until my almond therapy started den i manage to keep still.

  50. Wow... he's vy good memory! Sounds like a genius to me. He's edi diaperless n chut chut-less. Well done, Jayden! I think he's taking his own sweet time to develop. It's really irritating when ppl talk w/o using their brain. Some ppl r jes showing their concern (altho not in a vy nice way) n some ppl r jes plain 'patt'.

  51. every child is different..they do things their own way..Jayden is a smart boy.he just doens't choose to show others


  52. Way to go mami & papi...dun take no shit from others, especially regarding yr child!

  53. jayden is doing very well, don't worry. i do see other kids my son's age can converse very well, but brandon is not doing as good as them, lagi teruk, he speaks a mixture of english and cantonese and expect the teacher at the preschool to understand him. *roll eyes*