Thursday, October 16, 2008

I want myself back again

I just want to find myself, be myself again.

I want to be the same old me, gila gila me.

Gila gila I am. Sometimes I say ..Tahan....he's just 31 months old or Tahan... he's just about 6 weeks old baby only. And sometimes I just snap and that's it.

The 31 months kiddo get whacking for being difficult. When he scream and cry, the mother screamed and cry even louder than him. That made him so shocked and screamed even louder. The neighbour I guess is immune to the screaming and crying. The boy, sometimes get nightmare and started kicking and crying at night. The mother then cry at night thinking how horrible she had been treated her son.

The 6 weeks old kiddo no longer sleep that much. He's always awake at the wrong timing. The time when the mother is really busy. Now he can be awake for many hours straight down. And when he's awake, he need someone to be by his side, talking to him and cuddle him. The mother's shoulder is really tired. Her brain is really tired. Her eyes is even more tired. And sometimes she just stare blankly at the wall, got no idea what to think. The kiddo only prefers left breast and scream when the milk is too strong. Sometimes because of that, he rejected the breast and cry cry cry. Even when you give him bottle, he'll just cry. And then the mother cry with him, asking him what he wants. Just today, he took 1 and half hour to finish 3oz milk.

Husband came home, sometime he see the wife with happy face. Sometimes she is so stoned and he'll ask what happened. Then he gotto go into the room and ask his No.1 what happened and why mami whacked him.  Being unwell himself, he gotto work, then come home with angry wife, sad kid and another crying baby. He even offered himself to take care of the night shift and went to work like a zombie.

I started to work, thinking that my boss will deliver his promises to keep my job function less. That's why I agreed to continue to freelance for him. But I got thrown with so many projects, some he said that he'll get another person to deal with. The person never finished her job and at the end I gotto clean it up for her. I rejected a few projects (which will be my future project :( ) and tried to work. Like what I feared last time when I first wanted to resign, he called me out of a sudden and threw me an URGENT project and need to be submitted the same day. At the same time he expect me to finish the other projects. At the end I gotto sit in front of the pc whole day - that's not supposed to happen. So now gotto learn to say NO, LATER and GIVE ME SOME TIME to my boss.

So many things going on. So little time. So little hand. No maid (coming in 2 months time)

I need miracle to happen.

Miracle to make No.1 less irritating, cranky and fussing(request to change channel like every 2 seconds, keep taking out cds after few minutes played, keep pressing DVD player ON, OFF, ON, OFF or OPEN, CLOSE, OPEN, CLOSE, keep opening fridge and digging for food, taking out pots and pans from the kitchen, throwing his fav train on the floor when we say NO).

Miracle to make No.2 Sleep better, Feed better and faster, and give his mother some time for herself.

Miracle to make me stay calm, sane and happy again. Miracle to make me , me again. 

54 comments:

  1. oh sasha, its only temp, u will get ur miracle soon, God bless u. i understand how u feels, me oso encountered the same thing. be calm and patient first.. take care

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  2. If you wanna scream, I'm here at the other end. Hugs.

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  3. sasha,
    Like wen said, it's just temporary. And I hope it'll be fine for you soon. Will pray for you that micracle will happen.

    You know you can always find me when you need someone. Take care ya!:)

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  4. miracle.. whn ur helper come.. it will be alrite..

    dont worry .. hang on there..

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  5. take it easy...this time will come to past, and later you'll say 'hah, my boys so big oredi' :p

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  6. SIGH! i let out a big "sigh" when i read tis post. SIGH. i feel you. there is nothing much to we can do about this. just to sabar & wait for the best.

    ur maid coming soon & it will be better, extra help :)

    take care

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  7. I bet all of us (2 kids mummies) gone thru this phase, hang in there!

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  8. *HUGSSSS*
    Hang in there...It will past. BB just 6 weeks. It WILL get better!

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  9. *hugs* u know u'r never alone. and when u need help, do give ur relatives a call. if u wanna saje talk cock in msn, you know where to find me ;)

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  10. miche3:09 PM

    i've gone thru the same...hang in there. once the maid arrive, ur burden will be lifted up. =)

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  11. is there someone who can help you out until your maid arrives? or maybe move back to your parents for the time being?

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  12. Your story sound so much like mine also... big kid driving us nuts... with small kid crying sometimes... so drive the mummy up the wall also.

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  13. i think you need a helper..your situation happens to every family, hang in there, when the 6 weeks old baby no longer a 6 weeks old baby, you will find that actually time just flies..

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  14. Cool down Sasha .. we are all here to lend you a shoulder to cry on .. and honestly, we just have to deal with it being a wife, mother, employee, etc. I am still waiting for my miracle after 18 mths and I dont see it coming anytime soon, so I just try to take it day by day. Stay strong.

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  15. Take a deep breath...
    Tell yourself..
    "Everything will be alright"

    Just 2 months..its very fast..

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  16. BEATS UP BAD BOSS

    *WHACK!!!*

    *KAPOWWWWW!!*

    *SSLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPP!!!!*

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  17. oh man....been there...still there...but immuned to it....neighbour must think I am one physcho mama......but heck.....who cares!? I used to judge my neighbour, now i can eat my own words cause I AM my screaming, crazy neighbour! It'll get better.....just hang in there....you are not alone...

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  18. fashionasia12:47 AM

    aww...hang in there!!! erm...how about sending no.1 to your parents for awhile?? at least will help offload abit...
    or quit the job n find some easier freelance jobs.

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  19. Does it get better? I pray it does for you. Isn't it difficult to just say No? Haiz..i'm still learning to do that..but am getting better at it. Chin up, toughen up and just say N-O to the boss.

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  20. oh..poor you..i can understand how stress and difficult your situation is to juggle 2 young kids, work and your own self without any help.

    Is there anyway you can seek some help from your sister or family to help up taking care of No1 while u can concentrate on No 2 and get some rest???

    I know the toddler age could be very irritating and really testing our patience. Just hang on there...things will be better soon!!

    {Hugs}

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  21. It must be tough taking care of a (suddenly?) demanding toddler, a hi need bb and juggling work at the same time. Do get some help from family mbrs, if possible. If boss not being 'cooperative', say bye bye, can? :)

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  22. We are not superb. It's okay if you want to screa/cry. It's better let it go then keep inside yourself. Just hang in there and stay strong.

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  23. Sasha, passed you an award to cheer you up!

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  24. Take care, don't be too stress up.

    I know its not easy to handle a toodler n a infant.

    U got to calm yourself down so that u will be able to relax urself, if not your depression will be back.

    Hope that the maid will be here soon to give u a hand.

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  25. oh sasha... no worry u will definitely back to yourself again just that it's take time. take care.

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  26. By reading ur post here.. i get scared !!! I feel how tired u ar... hopefully it just a temp... u b back again as urself ... sometime can be confuse hor.. our kid/s can make us happy until we forget ourself.. otherwise can drive us crazy until we lose ourself.... cant understand also.

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  27. Hope you become yourself back real soon!~

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  28. Hang in there - it happends to all of us. I always vow to be a better mother but end up shouting at the girls again and again

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  29. jacss1:43 PM

    looks like life staying at home isn't easy ehh... try to push yr maid agent to get her in faster! with another pair of hands, am sure things will get better...hopefully!!
    good luck dear...

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  30. don't worry...I am equally as bad or maybe worst than you...hi hi

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  31. Hang in there, my friend!

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  32. Poor dear. Don't give up breast feeding, ya. You are doing a good job. Hang in there. Just a few more months till help gets here. During weekends, u must must must get some rest. Take the kids back to mom's house and get lots of sleep.

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  33. I know how you feel. I too feel guilty all the time. But we have to learn to accept that and get over it. If not very difficult to concentrate. While waiting for your maid to arrive, maybe you can ask someone to come over to help a bit with the little ones.

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  34. *hugs* Is there anything I can do to help?? Contact me...

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  35. dear.. hang in there. big hugsss.

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  36. poor mamimi,please ask help from anybody or you will be stress out before the maid arrive,take good care yourself.

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  37. I like your new header :)

    Hey...calm Justin down first by pat-patting him on the back. Once he calms down, he'll be ready for the breast. No way will he take the bottle if Mummy's just inches awaylah!

    No worries about left-side only as many bfg Mums like me also experienced that. Babies have favourites one ;)

    Hugs, hugs, hugs to you - you'll be back soon!

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  38. I can feel how tight is that at your end, everything got to go through your hand and yet things not turn out your way....

    Just hang in there, when the maid come, hopefully she can lighten you a bit at least...and also hope she not give you whacking and trouble time..take care..and most important be the happy Sasha again...

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  39. ah sh#t, the comment i tried leaving yesterday has disappeared!

    well, like the others, i just want to say we're all praying for the best for you and have faith in u. u're a tough cookie... given time i know u'll find yourself again. in the meantime, hang in there.. hang in there. we're rooting for u every step of the way.

    and i just love your new header too

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  40. Take Care, you sound stress.

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  41. makes u wonder how our grandmothers and moms did it with so many kids at one go eh?!

    hang in there, i know easier said than done but really, it's only temporary. try to keep sane as much as u can with whatever help u can get. u will look back to this day and wonder how u survived it alone.

    tk care!

    btw, i did a tag coz i'd like 2 know how moms felt seeing their newborns for the 1st time...when u can that is..

    http://ryeli.blogspot.com/2008/10/mummys-entry-was-it-love-at-first-sight.html

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  42. *Hugs* Things will get better soon. Take care.

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  43. You know, I find that every time a new baby came along, I scream more at the older kids. Probably several reasons to this:
    1. Everyone is adjusting to the new family dynamics. Kids are learning to deal with divided attention, you're learning to handle more responsibility.
    2. The older kids outgrow their "angel" years and are moving into their "I want it my way" years.
    3. Lack of sleep leads to cranky mommies.

    So, don't feel like you're alone. Just ponder some ways to get the family working better. I find reading parenting books and articles help help when I'm down. It gets me motivated again and gives me better ideas on what to do. Hang in there!

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  44. whoisbaby2:14 PM

    kids at 31 months are like that. mine also sometimes very very nice, makes me laugh, but sometimes makes me scream like monster. i also wonder what my neighbors think i am doing at home. may be one day they will call up a social worker to come check on me. LOL!
    just hang in there. at least your husband willing to offer to help with the night shift. mine ... tidur and snoring loud loud got lar.

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  45. I guess I am not the only person facing the same problem.Hehe.. I've been going thru the same problem with Keith. Irritate me, scream,do nonsenses, etc and kena whacking from me and hubby. Sometimes kesian him but what to do? Talk to him nicely till my temperature naik oso like talking to the wall. Nowadays, I've got 2 babies to jaga middle of the nite. Keith will wake up and ask me to sleep with him & then Charlotte will wake up for her feeding. Ask Keith to wait, he cannot wait then throw tantrums.Hai....

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  46. hang in there. i'm sure it wil be better after this.

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  47. Relax, sasha....it is really only temporary....I have been thru it liao, and now, I really quite enjoy myself with 2 active boy boy...except still screaming and shouting lar...ha,ha....

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  48. Ahhh the early years. Its tough but before you know it, you'll get yourself back again so hang on there.

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  49. i read ur blog also i stress... so i'm sure u must be lagi stress... sigh, hope the maid can come asap lar... like u always said, it's easier for me cuz i have a maid... so when ur maid comes, hopefully she will help lessen the workload on ur shoulder...
    take care!!!!!

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  50. hope u feel better after ranting.

    just at least try to calm down abit..just try to let big C do the work then u take a rest..even a short one will do.

    hang in ok!!

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  51. Hang on, hang on... you'll be back to your normal self soon. Wait till your maid is here.

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  52. Ok, you are definitely over-stressed!!!
    With Jayden, why don't you just relax and don't care lah, no matter how naughty he is. Just concentrate on maintaining your sanity. No point getting worked up. When you're feeling better, then slowly teach him.
    As for Justin, I can't advise you on bf since I'm lousy at that. But in terms of sleeping, I took the "heart stone" way and let him cry most of the time. Because of that, he doesn't mind playing in his own company and only cries when he wants to eat or sleep. He doesn't show any physiological damage from crying, so I guess it's ok. In fact, because he knows how to sleep by himself, he wakes up a happier baby. Call me when you need to b*tch ok!

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  53. Hullo Sasha, how have you been/ Hoping to get updates from you blog, but no wor. Since haven't chat with you for many days already, need to know what you are up to?
    yes miracle will happen, girl, just have faith.
    I really hope you are doing better compared to last week or so. How is baby Justin and my atta boy Jayden? Hope to catch up with you soon. Have been knocking out early lately, very tired coz getting old and the weather getting cold too..
    Pls take care. I do think of you and Jayden and Justin a lot eventhough we havent been chatting ok.. hugs.

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  54. am so sorry to hear you going thru so much... I do understand, believe me... Zen is also very notty! I do pray that things will be better soon for you... do hang in there okay... *hugs*

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