Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Pushing The Reset Button

Knackered. (Learnt from mott) That's how I feel today.

I have so many appointments today. I just traveled 2 hours to and fro just for a mere 20mins discussion. After this I have another appointment. And I am expected to finish EVERYTHING by don't know when.

Worst, I have not been sleeping well for the past 3 nights. So did Big C. And lil J. *sigh* He had been crying for the past 3 nights. After 6 days of chutchut-less finally his craving came back. And it's a great craving. Some sort like an addict screaming and wailing and kicking...

Last night (and like 2 nights before) when he cries, Big C will say the same thing, "how could you stand looking at him crying like this?" and held him tight and walk away. It breaks my heart. In my mind, I kept asking myself “Why am I so evil? Am I doing the right thing?"

We ended up pushing the reset button and gave him. But even after we gave him his pacifier he is still crying and holding his pacifier tight in his hand. Sucking and pulling it out to cry louder. And the whole family was up watching Barney while he sobs and sobs and wail out of a sudden again and again. And we went to bed I don't know how long after that.

When I was in the car just now, suddenly everything just came to me. The way he feed me his chutchut, the way he will run and bang the wall and come running to me and said "meme? uwaaaaaa" and expect me to hug him and kiss him and he will be alright right after that and will bang the chair next. He shares his food with us all the time, never say no. *sigh* He's such a sweetie but he is just too hyper. Lately he changed so much after we tried to stop him from sucking his pacifier. He became super manja and he needs to be with someone all the time. Even when he sleeps he wants me to be next to him. Suddenly I just cannot control myself. Luckily the cars were moving and I had my shades on so no one can see the lil water drop coming down from my eyes.

And that made me wonder. Why? Why am I doing this to him. What did he do to get treated like this?

And I remembered those ppl commenting about him sucking his pacifier "YOUR SON 19MONTHS STILL SUCKING PACIFIER AH? AIYOH" Like its a big deal. Like its against the law.

And more comments like "HIS TEETH LIKE COMING OUT! Later his teeth will become like this. (Showing hand gesture like the teeth is coming out like monster).

Come on. Look at me. I am a sample of a pacifier sucker. I have nice set of teeth. Some human never suck pacifier but they have teeth like VvVvVvV How to explain?

*sigh* I'm so sad. So lost. Am I doing the right thing or not I really don't know. It breaks my heart to see Jayden cry like that. And it breaks my heart more for my hub to think I'm heartless for treating him like this.

*sigh* Bugger...need to go out for appointment again. Wanna sit at one corner and be sad also no time.

41 comments:

  1. Sasha, don't feel bad..you are actually a GREAT mom! My tears also almost drop when i read what you wrote. Sometimes, I do feel that i'm evil too! But between me and hubb, one of us gotta be evil, and the other one be angel:) And ignore those people's comment about pacifier!!! Just go with your heart!

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  2. Cheers Sasha, Don't get influenced by the words of others... do what's right for JD :)

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  3. don't get pressured by what other ppl say...
    some ppl also say how come I encourage ashley to suck her thumn? well?....she soothes herself that way and I am also an example of thumb sucker and my thumb is fine and my teeth are straight and i sucked my thumb till i was 7yo! Can anyone beat that? hehehehhe..so chill. better put disclaimer on your blog - If you don't have anything nice to say, don't comment. Period.
    Chill out! You're a great mama!

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  4. Eh..apala u!

    Don't feel bad la!! Don't cry ok? You're only doing what you think is best for your son! Normal la... even though J reacts like that... ! Not evil...just trying to be a mother. Very hard work one!

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  5. ok lah .. if you really dun wan Lil J to cut that habit.. then gif him back his pacifier ler.. My hubby oso pacifier sucker until dunno standard wat... he still look handsum

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  6. Tell them, come and see my sons, 29 months old today, still sucking that pacifier 24 hours!!!!!!
    Dont feel bad & sad, ur Jayden always ur handsome boy. Don't care how ppl said, like me, buat bodoh. How come never toilet train ur sons ar, so old already, how come still suck jut jut ar? Never ending, i just smile and said ya lo, they like it ma!

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  7. Not sure if this would make you feel better... I was a Chut-Chut Gurl until 6 yrs old... I remember becos after my kindy classes last time, I still chut-chutting away when I was having my afternoon naps...

    My gigi all look ok ah... dun hv cacat oso... oni my lower jaw a bit tak teratur... but that's becos i hv a small jaw and my gigi not enuff place, so hv to bersesak-sesak a bit...

    Chin up, sasha!

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  8. Hi.. hope you don't mind that I hopped over. People tend to have fewer nice things to say than something good or helpful! To that person who told you J might have teeth like monster, you should check if they've heard of braces!

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  9. Sasha.. so sorry to hear all this. I feel sad too. your story remind me of my Josh. He so kesian play alone coz I always with the twins.

    Don't worry Sasha. Ignore the rest of stupe commentators. JD is your son and only u and BigC know what's best for him.

    **now, u put tears in eyes. JD, go kesian mommy ler.

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  10. sasha, as a mother, it can be very painful to hear comments from others. sometimes, i just tell myself, what so sad. after all the child belongs to us, we know whats best despite what ppl say. got it?

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  11. I know how it hurts you but Jayden is your son and you know what's best for him. Mothers always do.

    A tag for you over at my blog. If you are not in the mood to do it, it's ok.

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  12. Hi Sasha, I also have a JD, just that mine is 4yo now :) I recently tried to help a friend's child to wean him off his dummy. He is 21 months old and he loves his dummy. He also gets very sad when he can't have it, so at the end, we also did the "Reset" thing like u did. But we changed it to such that he only get his dummy during sleep time. The rest of the day we keep his dummy on his bed and he slowly come to accept it after about 2 weeks. Now he keeps his dummy in bed when he wakes up, and we only give it to him when it's bed time. The thing to remember is there's nothing wrong with dummy, as mothers we sometimes get worried by passing comments and it bothers us. But at the end of the day, you are JD's mom, and only u know what's best for him and what works for him. Hang in there, it shall pass soon. It always seem to get worst before it gets better.

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  13. aiyo...the pacifier is the dental one mah, nowadays so canggih mana ada the teeth V shape somemore LOL.

    no worries lah, when he's ready, he will wean off...and heck care what ppl say. next time got money go put braces ;)

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  14. etceteramommy10:05 PM

    Sasha... hang in there. Don't bother what the rest said la. Follow your heart. Just remember every child is different. Maybe he's not ready so give him time. Afterall, he's only like what 19 months? Don't cry okay. I read your enrty also I could feel your tears. You're doing a great job! Remember that!

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  15. Mummy, it is very difficult sometimes not to succumb to the pressures of other mothers and their 'experienced and well-read' knowledge/advice/kepoh-ness. But at the end of the day, Jayden is your son and YOU know him best, not those other 'know-it-alls'. So you decide what's best for him because he is your son and you love him to the end of the world. Nothing anyone says should ever take that away from you. Give him his chut-chut. He will self-wean when he is ready. EVERY kid is different. What works for one may not for another. Go with your gut and filter the rest. With your chin up and filled with pride. He is YOUR son.

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  16. Hey don't hear what other people say. You are a great mom. If you want to get rid of the pacifier, wait till he understand you. Let the little boy enjoy it. By the way, you need to wean him gradually.

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  17. Take it easy, he will be off when it's ready. My gal is going thru weaning now, so I'm in your shoes too.

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  18. DON'T LISTEN TO THEM MORONSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! eeeeeeeeeeee i slap them for you, ok?!

    listen, my sister's 3 eldest kids all sucked on their chut-chuts till the age of nearly four years old. but all of them have good teeth now. 19 months is not too old for a pacifier. so if you don't feel that it's the right time to stop him on the pacifier, then you know best. because after all... you're the mami!

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  19. Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind. Do what you feel is best. Good luck!

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  20. relax sasha. i'm a pacifier sucker too, until i was in standard 3!!! can u imagine that!!! thats wat my mom used to tell me. just like my first daughter now. she is going to be 2 years old in another 1 more month, and still chut chut addict. but hey, to our surprise everytime when she falls asleep, the chut chut she will take it out on her own. u got what i mean... just relax, just like the chinese got one pharase " when the ship reached the dock, it will be straighten by itself ". just relax ok???

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  21. Others will hv a lot of comments to give... constructive or non-constructive. Seriously, if J is not ready to be weaned off, then let him be loh. Everybody oso happy.

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  22. I'm sure all the moms and dads have given you the encouragement and emphaties. Don't worry la. It is okay to give in. We're just human. Hey, at least JD has a chut-chut. Belle's comfort object is my arm!

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  23. Don't be so upset, don't listen to other people's comment. Do what you think is best for your son. He will wean off one day, just need more time! Ganbatte, mummy!

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  24. It is weird with Brandon, the same time he didn't want his milk, was the same time he didn't want his pacifier anymore. I think maybe because his teeth were coming in. He has a lot harder time falling asleep now though.

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  25. Oscar's Mommy8:44 AM

    aiyoh, dont feel bad la. if really cannot, mai push reset button lor. dont think that it is a MUST to be chutchutless la. its ok wan... suck la, my hubby also suck until he is 7 years old wat. *die, he is so going to kill me if he knows i tell the world abt this*

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  26. Hi Sasha dun feel bad or quilty.U are doing ur best for ur child and not for others don't let other people make u feel bad.Worse come to worse just let Jayden his pacifier is ur own child and u know which one is the best for him.

    Eh,do u still suck ur pacifier now?No is it?

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  28. Hi Sasha! You are actually an angel to Jayden! Don't feel bad, don't feel evil, cos you are not! Giving up pacifier is not easy for kids... if I may share my experience with you...let him have it and try with a lil toy he likes, let him have both to bed. When he slept, slowly pull the pacifier out. Slowly, if he refuses, try again another time, may be after an hour, may be after another night. This takes time, be patient! About the comments from other "Pple", Like your other friends said... Don't listen to them, you did and still doing your best for Jayden! *wink*

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  29. Dry your eyes and just follow your heart. If you think its time to stop the pacifier then do so but slowly la. It will feel like one step forward and two steps back but you'll get there. If you think theres no need than no need lah, dun be pressured by what others think. Let him come off it in his own time. He won't be still sucking pacifier in Uni I am sure. I always believe that like everything else in Parenting its a "To each his own" situation. What works best for you and your child is best for your family. So I dun care what ppl say wan, I just do my way. Hehe.

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  30. hey...don't feel bad lah. you did the right thing. Just hang in there. Don't listen to what people say. Mine sucks her thumb and believe me, there are just so many sickening comments all the time.

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  31. aiyoo dun give in to all the "outsider" pressure la...mommy knows best...my erika still sucking her thumb & she is 6!!!! wat to do? did all sorts of evil still cannot change her...

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  32. leng lui...dun cry,dun cry, shoulder here for u !!

    try if u could learn from me, i would not give a damn shit of what ppl thought i'm wrong in handling my kids :
    - still suck at 3yrs old ahh??
    i replied: yes bcoz i purposely poked into their mouth wan...to reduce their noise!!!

    - still drinking from bottle ahh??
    i replied: yes bcoz i lazy to clean if they spill on the floor!!

    - still need to feed them meh??
    i replied: yes, who cares lar, as long as they don't dirty themselves so much & the floor is not messy!!

    - see pegang spoon also tak betul (result of spoon fed)!!
    i replied: nevermind, they r precious ma, if they r really hungry, the food will still get into their mouth whether spoon betul or not!!

    - aiyo still wear diaper ahh??
    i replied: ya bcoz i kenot sacrifice my sleep wor, how?

    You see how bad i am compared to YOU now???

    i reckon that whatever baby/toddler habits they r having now will soon become a thing of the past naturally...esp. when peer pressure sets in. They will grow up....so no forcing & dun worry!

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  33. after what everyone has commented here, I'm sure you now feel much better already right? If I know you (and I like to think I do a little.. hehe) you will be up and about very fast and will think of something witty to say to those "nasty" people...:-) cheers

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  34. Oh gawd.. why can't people just shut up and mind their own business? I've seen some kids as big as 3 or 4 years old still sucking their pacifier. I mean, leave it lah, when the time is right, the fler will not want his pacifier anymore! Sheeeeessshh!

    Hang in there, babe! You're a great mom! Don't you for one second think otherwise!

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  35. wei, don't feel bad lar. u did it for the best of jayden mar. if he's not ready, let him be lor.

    my youngest sis sucked pacifier until she was 4 or 5 and guess what? she has the nicest set of teeth among the 3 of us.

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  36. Anonymous2:06 PM

    i felt for u....my daughter born in the year same as my 2 other cousin's baby and she's the only one that suck pacifier day and night till abt 14months..can u imagine the pressure abt comparing the other 2 baby that doesn't suck pacifier? haiz...

    then i slowly doesn't let her suck during day time and only give it to her during night time and naps....after that she doesn't ask for it during nap times and sometimes suck awhile if she's having nightmare in the middle of the night now....
    btw, she's 26months now...it takes time to slowly take it off lor..

    here's some tips for u....instead of sucking pacifier during day time leh, u can give JD some snacks to eat to divert attention or give him suck/drink water or very mild flovoured ribena from the bottle but don suddenly take it away from them cos at this age now he doesn't really now what u trying to tell him yet so u slowly reduce the chut chut time in a day like instead of every hr leh....u give like every 3-4hr or so and when he's off the pacifier try to give him other things to eat or play....kekke

    tots at his age love stacking blocks/lego and cartoon sticker....

    good luck, sasha

    p/s: it's hard to be a mom but u r really doing it really good already...well, other ppl just see u a few minutes and complain so much...did they see u when u r at home taking good care of JD? or how u suffered when JD was admited?

    #psst psst...daddy JD ar...sasha trying her best to help JD with his pacifier and she only think of the best for yr son...poor mummyJD for being misunderstood :(

    1mum

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  37. Know that whatever you are doing is for the best .. of your son. You are not evil.. donch be silly.. *hugs*

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  38. Every child has different stages of changes.

    My son took his pacifier out of his mouth and gave to his dad as soon as Megan was born. He said, "I am big boy now".

    As for me, I was still having my pacifier and my bottle of milk up to when I went to Kinder. My maid used to give me my bottle of milk each day to take to kinder.
    When I think the teacher is not looking, I take the milk bottle out of my bag and suck.....wah, so nice!
    One day the teacher caught me and told my mum that I can't bring my milk bottle or pacifier to school anymore. So, after that, the minute I get home from kinder, the first thing I have is my bottle of milk lying down on my bed and holding my pacifier.

    So, you don't worry. Jayden will tell you when he doesn't want his pacifier anymore. OK? You will also know when the time is right to try again.

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  39. Anonymous8:40 AM

    sasha,

    ignore what ppl said, you know what is the best for your son. i've faced this before coz my son used to sleep in swing until he was 13mths++. I dun bother what others opinion as long me and my boy are happy, healthy and most important all of us can have good sleep.

    p/s : to those jerk who like to comment on ppl, please mind your own business and keep your mouth *SHUT*

    Bmum

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  40. He should be weaned when he's ready and you are ready loh. Don't go under pressure by what ppl say.

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  41. aiyo dun feel bad la. denisha sucks her pacifier until 2 plus ... until recently she tells me she wants to buy .. i fainted!! :) do wat u think its good for him. :)

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